Have you ever?

Have you ever been so excited about something you could just cry? We went today for our first of two training classes, and on the way there, I was so anxious about the class that I thought I might would just cry before we got there! The days seem to drag on as I begin to think about what their little faces will look like, how they will feel about us, and how old they will be. I just can not wait to see them. Really, I can't.

In the short time I was pregnant, I was ready for it to be over with. I was so ready for the baby to be here and to just hold it and know that it was ok. Of course, God had a different plan for my baby, and now I am experiencing that "wait" just not in the exact way. I don't feel the baby kick, but I do feel my heart leap when I think of the children that will soon share my life. I'm not gathering baby bed linens, but decorating twin beds for hopefully two little ones to share!

I don't know if I will ever know the feeling of a child growing in my stomach, but I do know the feeling of the love for a child growing in my heart.

The Waiting Revolution

After we pray, what do we do? I know what I do. I begin to think of all the ways I can "fix" the problems I just gave to God. I begin to wonder and worry about when and how God is going to handle my situation. This is obviously so not what God desires from us. This weekend we had our DNow and the speaker was a man named Moses Ceasar. He has written a book about waiting after prayer and what it is we should be doing. I was so convicted about how I "wait" after I pray. I really don't wait. I give it to God in that shallow, selfish, fix it now attitude. But there is growth in the waiting. God is developing our character when we wait on him. I am so impatient when it comes to waiting. I begin to look at the things other people have and the blessings they are enjoying while I'm still "waiting" on God to answer my prayer. Through this weekend I've learned that the waiting is our time to worship God. So, as I wait, I'm gonna choose to remember Isaiah 40:31 "Those that wait upon the Lord will renew their strength. They will mount up with wings as eagles. They will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint".
Just a few pictures from the weekend. This is our youth group and small group leaders we took with us for the weekend.

Almost There

Well, this Saturday, Robert and I are going to our first of two training classes for our adoption. I'm not sure what we are being "trained" on but I'm sure it has to do with how to be prepared for our next step which is welcoming children into our home.

I am so excited, there seems to be no words to really do it justice. I can't imagine Robert and I with kids of our own. It has been just the two of us for so long now, but I am so ready. I can scarcely believe we are really doing this. That God really is allowing us to be a part of this great gift. The more I think about the possibilities to come, the more excited I get.

Now granted, there are so many time that I question is this really what God wants. I worry that we won't have the finances, or the kids won't like us, or we are just rushing this, or something has to go wrong because this has really been a smooth process. I could worry myself sick about what could or couldn't happen. That is usually how I am, but God has given me such a peace about this. A peace that I know only comes from Him.

"Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, then all these things will be added unto you."

Dear Lord,

It's the new year. I have spent the last few days reflecting on my relationship with you and I have realized that I have been so content in making you my Sunday and Wednesday Jesus. What a pity that I have missed out on growing closer to you because I am so selfish. I make such a mess of things and really I need you more than I need my next breath! God, help me this year to see things and people the way you see them. Help me to know that it doesn't always have to be my way, and that saying "I'm sorry" doesn't always mean you are weak. God, help me to mend bridges with those I have hurt in the past year and years. Show me Lord when I need to listen and when I need to speak gently. God, I need a fresh start. Thank you for being so patient. Thank you for being a loving father who always offers his wayward children grace. Help me extend that grace to other people. Lord, I love you.. Thank you for your precious son Jesus. Amen