Timeline Assignment

 Who would think a little class assignment would get me to thinking so much about lost time?

Maisie's class was given an assignment to complete a timeline of their lives.  Last night, she and I sat down and worked on hers.  I was excited to help her complete this easy task.  We put cute stars and letters on the poster.  She wrote very neatly and included her birthday, when she lived in Ocean Springs during Hurricane Katrina, when she moved in with us, and when she was adopted.  It was cute and simple. 

This morning, as the other students passed me in the hall with their assignments, I began to notice cute baby pictures.  I saw pictures of some of the kids at their first Christmas, or hospital picture.  I saw a few family pictures when the kids were younger.  They were very creative. 

Then I realized, I don't have any of those things with Maisie.

I guess I knew this face in the back of my mind, but I've not come face to face with the reality of it.  I don't have a clue what she looked like as a baby.  I don't know what her favorite toy was, or what she got for her first Christmas. I can't tell about her taking her first steps or riding a bike for the first time.  I don't know when she lost her first tooth, got her first hair cut, or what she said as her first words. 

I was a little choked up when all of these things hit me this morning.  Although I think adopting older kids is a blessing to both the parents and the child, I know the saddest side of that is the loss of time.

What have we gotten ourselves into?

 Here's the truth, this parenting thing is HARDER than I expected.

I'm sure after reading that you are probably thinking, "Girl, I have kids of my own. I know your pain. I know they can be a handful.  You have to be firm with them. You have to show them who is boss. You have to be the one to keep her under control." And so begins the very normal comparison of your parenting experience to mine. I'm sure you have lots of good ideas, and I don't mean to be offensive when I say this, but really, your kid is nothing like mine.  Your experience has nothing in common with mine. 

Sure, you have a kid my kid's age who occasionally pushes your buttons.  Let's say your kid comes home with a bad grade at school.  You punish them by grounding them.  They fuss a little, cry about it maybe, and at most they might slam their door.  Does your child spin so out of control that they flail in the floor for more than an hour? Does your son/daughter scream, punch, spit, pull their hair because they are so out of control? Does your child tell you that they'd rather be with their "real family" because they know for sure their "real mother" would "never" treat them so unfairly? When you've been in that situation more than once, please, please let me know.  Then we'll have a fair comparison. 

I'm not telling you these things because I want you to feel sorry for us.  By no means do I want pity.  I want understanding. I want people to really GET that my child is not like yours, so please don't "try to help" by telling me how your child was "just like that at 11".  I highly doubt it. 

Here's the reality of our situation.  My girl is hurt.  She is hurt so much inside, that she herself doesn't know how to put it in words.  Sure, she sees a therapist and they work on "copeing skills". But really, when you don't even know what you are feeling, how in the world can you even being to "cope" with it? Yes, she is 11 and some of her problem is being your typical 11 year old girl. She is hormonal, she is sassy, and she is trying to figure out how far she can push it.  But, she is also 11 and feels abandoned by her mother.  She is struggling with who she really is, and why in the world her mama would leave her.  She said the other day in her last rage "If God gives you parents, then why did my real parents leave?"  How do you explain that? There is no easy answer to heal that sadness. 

I recently had a lady tell me, "Honey, I love you, but you've got a long road ahead with that girl." She's exactly right. We do have a long road ahead.  Sure, there are going to be bumps, twists, turns, and dead ends.  Sure we'll be so tired we'll be ready to quit.  Sure, we'll so in over our heads sometimes we'll be questioning every single choice we've made.  But, it is a road Robert, Maisie, and I are ready to walk together as a family. 

Let's play Catch Up...

What a fast and furious past month we've had here! 

 My computer has been in the shop since Dec. 3rd. Thankfully, I got it back recently and I'm ready to play catch up!

We had a very eventful December! Maisie was in her first pageant on December 4th.  She was beautiful.  Her dress was one we just had hanging in the closet and it looked great on her! We're going to have to work on her confidence and walk before July.  She was crowned Miss Delta Pre Teen Holiday.  Several of the youth from our church came, my parents, niece, and nephew came, and Robert's mama, sister, and nephew also came to cheer her on!

The state pageant is in July in Vicksburg. She will be competing for Little Miss Magnolia State. 

She also had her first school program on December 5th.  I know she was involved in Christmas programs at the different Childrens' Homes she was in, but this was her first real school program.  She was one of the nine ladies dancing from "The 12 Days of Christmas".  She looked adorable (as usual). 

Our Christmas was pretty relaxed. Maisie went to my parent's house on the Thursday before Christmas Eve. It gave her some time to spend with Nanny & Pappy.  She helped make candy for Christmas Eve. Robert and I went down on Christmas Eve around lunch.  We had a great time. 

Christmas Day was exciting. Maisie was concerned that she wasn't going to get what she really wanted......a cell phone.  We tricked her by wrapping it in a little box which was inside a bigger box, which was inside a bigger box.  You could definitely see her becoming more irritated until she got to the final one! It was nice to surprise her!

We also made a quick trip to Gatlinburg with some of our youth for XTreme Winter.  We were worried that Maisie would be irritable during the conference because it is mostly loud music and a few speakers.  She did very well though! She slept through almost all of the concerts.  I'm not sure how she does it, but she manages to block out the noise and snooze away! It's amazing really.  There were only 7 of us that went, so we had a great time just hanging out all together. 

So far, 2012 has been pretty uneventful.  I've been having trouble with a constant headache since Wednesday.  I went to the doctor on Friday and had a CT Scan.  He is concerned because I'm not showing signs of a sinus infection or any other viral infection.  We'll know the results this coming Friday.  Praying it's nothing serious.

With the new year, I try to make some sort of "resolution".  This year, my goals are to lose some weight (I'm sure I'm not alone on this one), spend more time with Maisie doing meaningful things, and to listen and OBEY God a lot more than in years past.