What have we gotten ourselves into?

 Here's the truth, this parenting thing is HARDER than I expected.

I'm sure after reading that you are probably thinking, "Girl, I have kids of my own. I know your pain. I know they can be a handful.  You have to be firm with them. You have to show them who is boss. You have to be the one to keep her under control." And so begins the very normal comparison of your parenting experience to mine. I'm sure you have lots of good ideas, and I don't mean to be offensive when I say this, but really, your kid is nothing like mine.  Your experience has nothing in common with mine. 

Sure, you have a kid my kid's age who occasionally pushes your buttons.  Let's say your kid comes home with a bad grade at school.  You punish them by grounding them.  They fuss a little, cry about it maybe, and at most they might slam their door.  Does your child spin so out of control that they flail in the floor for more than an hour? Does your son/daughter scream, punch, spit, pull their hair because they are so out of control? Does your child tell you that they'd rather be with their "real family" because they know for sure their "real mother" would "never" treat them so unfairly? When you've been in that situation more than once, please, please let me know.  Then we'll have a fair comparison. 

I'm not telling you these things because I want you to feel sorry for us.  By no means do I want pity.  I want understanding. I want people to really GET that my child is not like yours, so please don't "try to help" by telling me how your child was "just like that at 11".  I highly doubt it. 

Here's the reality of our situation.  My girl is hurt.  She is hurt so much inside, that she herself doesn't know how to put it in words.  Sure, she sees a therapist and they work on "copeing skills". But really, when you don't even know what you are feeling, how in the world can you even being to "cope" with it? Yes, she is 11 and some of her problem is being your typical 11 year old girl. She is hormonal, she is sassy, and she is trying to figure out how far she can push it.  But, she is also 11 and feels abandoned by her mother.  She is struggling with who she really is, and why in the world her mama would leave her.  She said the other day in her last rage "If God gives you parents, then why did my real parents leave?"  How do you explain that? There is no easy answer to heal that sadness. 

I recently had a lady tell me, "Honey, I love you, but you've got a long road ahead with that girl." She's exactly right. We do have a long road ahead.  Sure, there are going to be bumps, twists, turns, and dead ends.  Sure we'll be so tired we'll be ready to quit.  Sure, we'll so in over our heads sometimes we'll be questioning every single choice we've made.  But, it is a road Robert, Maisie, and I are ready to walk together as a family.