Struggling

I'm just going to be real, we're struggling.

 

I know looking at this picture of my beautiful girl, you're thinking, "Gosh, I can't imagine her being anything other than precious." I can assure, you can't tell ANYTHING by a picture.  This girl, this beautiful girl, has been hurt. She's been broken, she lashes out, she is defiant. We are struggling.

 

Or, you look at this picture of our family and think, "Wow, they look so happy. They look like a regular family. They look like they have it all together." I promise, we don't.  We are struggling.  There are days when Robert and I are not sure what to do with our daughter.  Days when we don't know the words to say to her or each other.  We're struggling. 

 

When a child is very young, he/she learns that their actions have consequences.  When a toddler touches the hot oven and you tell them "NO", they understand that they should not touch a hot oven.  When a 5 year old throws a temper tantrum in the store because you won't buy them what they want and you spank them, they learn that having a fit will result in a negative consequence.  When a 10 year old cleans their room without being asked and you praise them, they learn about positive consequences.  But, what about a toddler who is neglected by their mother? What about a 5 year old who doesn't have a steady adult influence in their life to teach them the difference between right or wrong.  What about a 10 year old who has spent half their life in and out of facilities and only gets "negative" feedback from the adults around them? What about that child?

 

That child is mine.  Maisie equates consequences as punishment.  She groups consequences with love.  She does not understand or comprehend the idea that she is a child and she is responsible for what she says, does, or does not do.  We are struggling.