Completely Dependent

As I previously posted, our house in Kosciusko has become somewhat of a headache in the past few weeks. We were renting it, but that didn't work out. We're thankful for the time we had a renter and truly believe that time allowed us to be in the same town, and obviously be in a position to take Maisie.

Now, our situation has changed. In a matter of two weeks we will be a family of three, on one income, supporting two households. Not really the ideal for bringing a child into your family, but we are completely at peace about bringing Maisie into our family. Can you imagine if Joseph told Mary he couldn't take on being the step father to Jesus? What if Moses's mother wasn't brave enough to put him in a basket and trust that God would take care of him? Or if Abraham and Sarah just gave up on the dream of a child completely? None of these situations were ideal then, but obviously, God's glory was revealed in each of them.

I had a near nervous breakdown about the house about a week ago. It was ugly. The blame game started between me & my sweet, too patient, and wonderful husband. That night, as I laid and bed ALONE and realized there is no blame to be placed in this. It is what it is. We moved because God provided another job for my husband. God will surely provide somebody to buy our house. I realized in all my worry it is GOING to be alright. I can't imagine that he would lead us this far and then forget us. He hasn't done this yet.

I've had so much time to think about our situation this week and I've realized maybe God is drawing us into a time of TOTAL dependence on Him. Maybe he's asking us to trust Him more than we've ever had to before. Is it scary? Of course it is. I've always admired people who have been through tough times financially, and they always have faith that God will bring them through. Honestly, I've been such a control freak for so long in every area of my life, that I'm sort of looking forward to just letting it all go. For once not holding onto every situation, manipulating it the way I see fit.

Does it seem nearly impossible for me to believe that I can do it, yes. But, I've committed myself to 1) constant conversation with God. I can't just pray and be done. That doesn't work for me. I have to minute by minute, hour by hour say "Lord, I know I can't solve this. You're just going to have to do it". and 2) Trusting my husband can do more than I've ever let him. Until now, I've been the payer of the bills, holder of the checkbook. Now, I've given it up. He is smart, he can do it. I don't have to hover over the checkbook or hoard it so I can worry about every dime and penny we are spending or not spending. and 3) realized that this is only for a little while. I try to remember that this short time of what I consider "suffering" will really produce things about myself that I never thought existed.

Pray for us as we enter this time of total dependence. Pray that God provides how he sees fit. Pray for a buyer for our home. Pray for a job opportunity for me here in Cleveland. Pray for Maisie as she comes into our home and starts a new school with a new family. And most of all, pray for us to be willing to see God at work even when things begin to look harder than we imagined.

Be Still...

I've had so much anxiety lately about so many things. If you know me, you know that stress and worry are my constant companion. I can take the smallest things and dwell on them continuously to the point of making myself sick. Me staying home has been both a blessing and a curse. I now have entirely too much time to sit and "worry" about this and that.

Today, I've been especially anxious about a variety of things. My main stress point today is that our house in Kosciusko is going to be empty after December 31st unless we rent it or sell it to someone before then. This is the biggest of burdens in my heart right now. God has blessed Robert with a job that does pay enough to carry two households, but there won't be much left after that. I have run the numbers in my mind constantly. I don't want to put this burden on my husband, because he works so hard already to provide not just for me, but also for Maisie. When I talk to him about my worries he says, "Babe, God's going to handle this. No need for us to worry." I am so amazed at this man and his constant, never wavering, never lacking faith.

So, I convince myself that God is in control, and that works for about all of 10 minutes and I'm back to the worry. It's a constant battle within. Today, I decided that instead of just "convincing" myself that God is going to handle it, I'd go looking for proof that he was. This time, I pulled out the Bible. And of course, God showed up in the words of His book!

"On the same day, when evening had come, He said to them: "Come, let us cross over to the other side" Now when they had left the multitude they took Him along in the boat as he was. And other little boats were also with Him. And a great windstorm arose, and the waves beat into the boat, so that it was already filling. But he was in the stern, asleep on a pillow. And they woke Him and said to Him: "Teacher, do You not care that we are perishing?"Then He arose and rebuked the wind, and said to the sea, "Peace, be still."

But He said to them, "Why are you so fearful? How is it that you have no faith"

Mark 4:35-40

Our little boat hasn't even begun to fill and my faith is already wavering! There Jesus was in the same boat with these guys, sleeping because He knew things would be okay. I can't count the times I've cried out and asked God if he even cared that I was hurting, that I was sad, that I was lonely, that I was angry, that I was bitter! Yet, all along He's been there, calming every storm, solving every problem so that He will get the glory! I can't tell you how much I needed to read this today and be reminded to be still.

Update

Maisie got to meet my parents, my nephew Aidan, and my Aunt Brenda this weekend! We had a great time. My mama is like the ultimate grandmother. She seems to never run out of energy. She skips with the kids singing "We're off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of Oz." She's really a great mom and a super grandmother. Maisie told me and Robert, "She sure does act young to be a grandmother!" I thought it was sweet!

We are really excited for her to meet the rest of the family in the coming weeks! I can't tell you what a blessing it is to have such supportive family and friends praying for us during all of this! We really are going to raise Maisie with a "village" of support!

So far, so good!

Our Thanksgiving was great! We got Maisie on Wednesday afternoon and she stayed with us until Friday evening. She was so much fun! She definitely has more energy than I do, but Robert did well keeping up with her! He is a pro with kids. He seems to never run out of energy and always knows what to say to make her laugh! It's really sweet.

Maisie and the dogs bonded too! She wanted Piper to sleep with her, but after about 15 minutes of Piper crawling all over her and sitting on her head, she opted for Romeo. He LOVED it! He is already spoiled by us as it is, & she just fed right into it! He snuggled with her every night she was here and stayed pretty close by her during the day.

She seemed very comfortable here at the house. We went to the park for a little while on Thanksgiving day. She and Robert "raced" down the slides. He really is the best playmate.

I took her back to the Children's Home on Friday, and she seemed okay with going back. She did talk a lot about Christmas and wanted to be sure she was going to come back to our house soon. I assured her that I would make sure she could come back for Christmas, if not sooner.

We are going to spend the day with her in Jackson on Saturday. We are super excited because my parents and Aidan are going to meet us at Chuck E Cheese so they can meet Maisie too! All of our families have waited so long now to meet her, so I'm super excited for this part of the process!

We will have her again for a long weekend on the 16th. We plan on going to Robert's daddy's house to have Christmas with them that weekend. She'll meet his daddy, step-mother, sister, nephew, brother-in-law, and two younger brothers. They are all very excited about meeting her.

We'll have her the 23rd - 27th for Christmas! It seems almost surreal to think that when we finished our paper work in February, we both said we hoped we would have a child by Christmas! God really does work all things out for HIS glory. I would have never imagined after all the change we went through this summer, that we would for real have a child by Christmas. AMAZING...

Continue to pray for Maisie. She's never experienced a "forever" family. She knows we intend on adopting her, and she is excited about that, but I think she really can't wrap her mind around FOREVER.

Pray that she transitions well from the Children's Home to our home easily.

We know that God has brought us to her, and that we are in His will. We also know that when you are in the center of God's will, the devil attacks hard. Pray for our protection as a family.