Completely Dependent

As I previously posted, our house in Kosciusko has become somewhat of a headache in the past few weeks. We were renting it, but that didn't work out. We're thankful for the time we had a renter and truly believe that time allowed us to be in the same town, and obviously be in a position to take Maisie.

Now, our situation has changed. In a matter of two weeks we will be a family of three, on one income, supporting two households. Not really the ideal for bringing a child into your family, but we are completely at peace about bringing Maisie into our family. Can you imagine if Joseph told Mary he couldn't take on being the step father to Jesus? What if Moses's mother wasn't brave enough to put him in a basket and trust that God would take care of him? Or if Abraham and Sarah just gave up on the dream of a child completely? None of these situations were ideal then, but obviously, God's glory was revealed in each of them.

I had a near nervous breakdown about the house about a week ago. It was ugly. The blame game started between me & my sweet, too patient, and wonderful husband. That night, as I laid and bed ALONE and realized there is no blame to be placed in this. It is what it is. We moved because God provided another job for my husband. God will surely provide somebody to buy our house. I realized in all my worry it is GOING to be alright. I can't imagine that he would lead us this far and then forget us. He hasn't done this yet.

I've had so much time to think about our situation this week and I've realized maybe God is drawing us into a time of TOTAL dependence on Him. Maybe he's asking us to trust Him more than we've ever had to before. Is it scary? Of course it is. I've always admired people who have been through tough times financially, and they always have faith that God will bring them through. Honestly, I've been such a control freak for so long in every area of my life, that I'm sort of looking forward to just letting it all go. For once not holding onto every situation, manipulating it the way I see fit.

Does it seem nearly impossible for me to believe that I can do it, yes. But, I've committed myself to 1) constant conversation with God. I can't just pray and be done. That doesn't work for me. I have to minute by minute, hour by hour say "Lord, I know I can't solve this. You're just going to have to do it". and 2) Trusting my husband can do more than I've ever let him. Until now, I've been the payer of the bills, holder of the checkbook. Now, I've given it up. He is smart, he can do it. I don't have to hover over the checkbook or hoard it so I can worry about every dime and penny we are spending or not spending. and 3) realized that this is only for a little while. I try to remember that this short time of what I consider "suffering" will really produce things about myself that I never thought existed.

Pray for us as we enter this time of total dependence. Pray that God provides how he sees fit. Pray for a buyer for our home. Pray for a job opportunity for me here in Cleveland. Pray for Maisie as she comes into our home and starts a new school with a new family. And most of all, pray for us to be willing to see God at work even when things begin to look harder than we imagined.