Be Still...

I've had so much anxiety lately about so many things. If you know me, you know that stress and worry are my constant companion. I can take the smallest things and dwell on them continuously to the point of making myself sick. Me staying home has been both a blessing and a curse. I now have entirely too much time to sit and "worry" about this and that.

Today, I've been especially anxious about a variety of things. My main stress point today is that our house in Kosciusko is going to be empty after December 31st unless we rent it or sell it to someone before then. This is the biggest of burdens in my heart right now. God has blessed Robert with a job that does pay enough to carry two households, but there won't be much left after that. I have run the numbers in my mind constantly. I don't want to put this burden on my husband, because he works so hard already to provide not just for me, but also for Maisie. When I talk to him about my worries he says, "Babe, God's going to handle this. No need for us to worry." I am so amazed at this man and his constant, never wavering, never lacking faith.

So, I convince myself that God is in control, and that works for about all of 10 minutes and I'm back to the worry. It's a constant battle within. Today, I decided that instead of just "convincing" myself that God is going to handle it, I'd go looking for proof that he was. This time, I pulled out the Bible. And of course, God showed up in the words of His book!

"On the same day, when evening had come, He said to them: "Come, let us cross over to the other side" Now when they had left the multitude they took Him along in the boat as he was. And other little boats were also with Him. And a great windstorm arose, and the waves beat into the boat, so that it was already filling. But he was in the stern, asleep on a pillow. And they woke Him and said to Him: "Teacher, do You not care that we are perishing?"Then He arose and rebuked the wind, and said to the sea, "Peace, be still."

But He said to them, "Why are you so fearful? How is it that you have no faith"

Mark 4:35-40

Our little boat hasn't even begun to fill and my faith is already wavering! There Jesus was in the same boat with these guys, sleeping because He knew things would be okay. I can't count the times I've cried out and asked God if he even cared that I was hurting, that I was sad, that I was lonely, that I was angry, that I was bitter! Yet, all along He's been there, calming every storm, solving every problem so that He will get the glory! I can't tell you how much I needed to read this today and be reminded to be still.