What if we were all honest? Really honest...

What if we all really shared our struggles?

Sometimes, people don't want to hear the truth.  When you are sick and someone says "Hey, how are you?" Do you really say, "Well, I've been feeling like death most of the night. I'm pretty sure I just threw up in my mouth and had to swallow it back to speak to you. But for the most part, I'm fine."

 Most people don't really want to know.  And most people don't really want to tell the full truth.  Something about revealing our "true" self is scary. So, we put on the mask.  We smile through the pain. We pass off our lives as "fine, great or good" when in truth, we are hurting. We are drowning in our confusion, our pain, our loneliness. 

Maybe, just maybe, if we were really honest with people, we'd feel better. We'd shed a lot of pain.  We'd make more lasting friendships, and we would grow stronger because of the support we have around us. 

Today, I'm going to be honest.  I am not okay.  I am stressed most of the time.  I go to work in the hopes that my child will make it 8 hours without a total meltdown.  I worry that people who I don't even know, and that certainly don't know me are judging my family with every decision that we make.  I miss the quiet in my home.  I miss the endless hours with my husband.  I dread being home next fall with my child because I don't want to leave my job and the sweet babies I work with. I am resentful that this is my first experience as a mother and I'm struggling just to survive. I'm guilt ridden for not being patient with my child.  I feel sorry for her and at the same time, I can't stand to be in the same room with her.  I love her because I'm called to love her.  I want so much for her.  I want her to be proud of herself.  I want her to see the good in herself.  I want her to look at the good in herself and forget the bad that has happened to her.  I want her to want to be better. 

 But the ugly truth is this: I can only do so much.  At some point, she has to do better for herself. So until then, I'm going to press on.  I'm going to do the best I can.  I will fail at times.  I will lose my patience.  I will say things that I shouldn't.  I will have to ask for forgiveness and forgive.  But most of all, I will have to be honest even when the truth is hard, ugly, and scary.