HAPPY GOTCHA DAY!

 Today is Maisie's Gotcha Day, and we couldn't be more excited!

I guess I thought I would be more emotional today, but I really held it together! It's been a long time coming, and we were so happy to have today done and over with! Maisie has been sick for the past few days. We've been in and out of the doctor's office since Monday.  She's had a low grade temperature and a tummy ache. 

My parents and Robert's mama came last night and stayed with us. There was a definite feeling of excitement throughout the house all night last night. Almost like Christmas.  We woke up early and got ready to go to court.  When we got there, it was simple and easy.  The judge was very friendly.  It was quick and easy. 

My dad was so emotional afterwards, and geez if you know my dad, you'd be surprised. He's so precious and loves his grand babies. 

We got home, had lunch, then took naps! It was great!

 It's official!

This is one of my favorite pictures of Maisie!

Love the laugh!

Help this family bring their boys home..

 I know I added this family the other day as one of my favorites, but let's try and help them out!

The Patterson family @ All are Precious in His Sight have an amazing adoption story.  They have shared their heart for orphans from domestic to international adoptions. They've adopted older children, children with physical disabilities and an uncertain futures, siblings, and every child they have felt God calling them to add to their family through adoption. 

They are now trying to complete the adoption of two boys from Russia. They are fundraising by selling these adorable shirts, bags, sweaters, and decals. If you feel like God isn't calling you to add a child to your family through adoption, a great way to be involved is to financially support those who are adopting.

We're ordering several shirts as gifts for our families. Pray about how you can be involved in supporting this family's adoption!

Click here to see their great stuff! http://allarepreciousinhissight.blogspot.com/2011/11/awesome-adoption-gear-giveaway-so.html

I will not leave you as orphans..

 "I will not leave you as orphans, I will come to you" John 14:18

This has to be one of my favorite verses in the Bible.  What a promise. 

 I can tell you how much I deserve to be an orphan, left out of the family of God.  I am so vile. My thoughts are evil and my motives self serving.  I choose to live out of God's will at times because what he calls me to do doesn't "suit" me.  How or why he chose me, I'll never understand, but I'm so thankful he did. 

I go back to this verse alot when thinking about Maisie's adoption.  I can't imagine how her life has bounced from day to day, year to year not knowing where she was going to end up.  Just passing time back and forth and assuming that is what every one's life is like that.  

What breaks my heart even more is that there are so many more that are orphaned and need someone to come to them.  They need someone who will look beyond what is convenient and conventional.  They need people who will invest in them and in their lives.  They need us. 

Christ full filled his promise of not leaving us as orphans and how blessed we are. 

Blogs I love..

 These blogs inspire me to be a better mother, wife, friend, Christian.

I thought I would share some blogs of bloggers who are better writers than me and they are so inspiring as they follow God's call in their lives in adoptions!

Building the Blocks- http://buildingtheblocks.blogspot.com/

All are Precious in His Sight- http://allarepreciousinhissight.blogspot.com/

It's Almost Naptime- http://itsalmostnaptime.blogspot.com/

Of course I read other blogs, but I keep up with these three pretty regular.  They are hilarious and inspiring! I hope you take the time to read them!

Domestic vs. International (Part One)

 My personal view is obviously biased, but don't hold that against me!

When we started out thinking about adoption, I wanted an Asian child.  I love Asian people. If you ask my husband, he'll tell you that I am racist against white people. I prefer Asians to whites. They are just such beautiful people. 

Anyway, as we started researching the reality of the costs for international versus the cost for domestic were astounding.  I know you are thinking "Gosh, these kids should be free!" I thought that for a long time too. But, unfortunately, they aren't.  It doesn't work that way. 

As we felt called to older child adoption, I began looking at photo listings of waiting children to be adopted.  There are so many websites that show pictures of kids, give info about them, and just give you a small idea about children.  My favorite to visit was http://www.adoptuskids.org/ .  It has search boxes and everythingg!

The reality is there are millions of orphans in the world.  T H E  W O R L D.   So, it's hard to choose.  My personal opinion is that you should adopt. PERIOD. Do I think adopting children from other countries is less of an adoption than me adopting an eleven year old from the US foster care? HEAVENS NO!

The Bible says "defend the cause of the fatherless."  It doesn't say just white kids from the US. Or just Asian kids from China.  Or just kids from Africa.  It just says the fatherless.  Period. 

Tell me what you think!

Why we chose

Some of you know our story, and some don't. If you've already heard it, now's your chance to click away to something more exciting! : )



It's amazing to look back and see how God worked so greatly in our lives to lead us to this point. It was so hard to see his hand at work sometimes. Mostly because I was too wrapped up in what was and wasn't fair to me.  Now, looking back, I wouldn't change our path for anything. 

In 2002, I married the sweetest, most loving man ever.  I really don't know how else to describe Robert.  He is truly a man after God's heart. Of course, after being married for a year or so, I really wanted us to have babies.  I was 19 when we got married, and always wanted to be a young mother.  I planned (big emphasis on I) for us to have four children before I was 30.  I always thought adoption would be good too.  I love Asian children and really wanted a pretty olive skined baby to add to my brood. 

Well, as the first year of trying went on with no success, I assumed we would just keep trying.  The next year came with no baby and I began to worry.  I am a worrier by nature, so of course I was beyond hysterical at moments.  My doctor suggested some fertility medicine.  After several months of those, I was still not pregnant. He then suggested we see a fertility specialist.  Robert and I prayed about it and decided we would just wait a little longer. 

Those were the hardest years.  I was so angry at God.  I could not understand why we couldn't just have a baby.  It seemed so simple for everyone else.  In one year, my best friend, my sister, my sister in law, and my husband's best friends wife all had children.  Talk about tough. 

After another year of waiting it out, we finally went to the fertility doctor.  I was put on medicine and in the sixth month of trying that out, I became pregnant. It was magical.  I was beyond excited.  The prayer had been answered.  Unfortunately, I miscarried at 10 weeks. Devastated wouldn't begin to describe my state at the time. I'd been married 5 years and was 25 years old. Why couldn't I just be like everyone else? 

Adoption always was an option for us.  After the miscarriage, I began to obsess about adopting. I thought, "Well, if I can't birth it, I can pick it!".  My initial desire for adoption was purely selfish. I had very specific requirements.  I wanted a baby, preferably Asian, no older than 18 months. I wanted a boy because girls are too high maintenance. I also wanted this baby to be cheaper than the rest of the babies because frankly, I didn't see how we could afford it.  Never once did I give any thought to what God may have for us.

Then, I read a book that changed my outlook on adoption. Its called "Adopted For Life: The Priority of Adoption in the Church." Talk about conviction, breaking of the heart, and opening the eyes. I knew adoption could be an option for us, but I never thought of it as a biblical principle. I began to see that adoption was more about being in God's will and doing his work than just growing a family.  God began to work in my heart. I began researching all types of adoption. From babies to teenagers. 

The next year, Robert and I began our paperwork process for adoption. After much praying and research, our hearts were drawn to older children.  The reality is that past a certain age, nobody wants them.  Nobody wants the kid that is 7 years old who has been in foster homes and facilities.  Nobody wants a group of siblings that are not that cute baby stage any more.  Those were the exact kids God was calling us to. 

Here we are now, with our 11 year old GIRL who is almost legally adopted.  We chose this because we wanted to grow our family. We chose this because Maisie needs us as much as we need her.  Most of all, we chose this because Christ chose us. 

Ah, November!

 Soon, November will be a very special month for our family!

When most people think of the month of November, they are thrilled with the thoughts of turkey and dressing, football, and time with family. For a long time, that was what was most exciting to our family too! Until now!

On November 10th, Maisie will officially become a Lawrence! I am so excited for this to finally happen. The last 10 months have been such a mixture of things for our family.  We've learned to communicate better with one another, how to put each other first above our own desires, how to forgive, and how to thrive as a family. 

I won't ever sugar coat the truth about our situation.  Life has been tough at many, many moments. I know there have been days that I thought "what are we doing here?"  I know there have been times Maisie has looked at us and said "I hate you."  But, the center of the truth for our family is this, God called us to this.

I've had several people question if this is "really" what we want.  When Maisie is melting down and I reach out to people who I assume are "friends" and their response is "Are you sure this is what you want? It's not too late".  My heart breaks when this is the response from those I call friends. 

Would you give your child back just because they claimed to hate you? Just because they lash out at you for all the hurt and abuse that has happened to them in the past? Believe me, I've had moments of real prayer where I beg God to confirm his call on our lives to adopt, and he always does.  He always reminds me that he adopted me in all my ugly. He CHOSE me even when I lashed out. Even when I told him I hated him. Even when I turn my back on Him, He calls me His own. 

November is also National Adoption Month. My hope is to blog everyday in the month to help spread awareness about the need for families.  My prayer is that one family, one person will chose to hear God's call and take a step toward supporting adoption. 

Nine Months

 Nine months and lots of changes.

Nine months ago today, we brought home a sweet girl.  She was all dressed in her cutest outfit.  We strapped her in the car and drove home with dreams of love, fun, and peace in our home.  Turns out, raising an 11 year old with a rough past is full of turmoil, heartache, and frustration. 

In the past few days, I've realized a lot of things about mine and Maisie's relationship.  Her past relationships with women have been really rough.  From foster mothers who were incredibly mean and hateful. She had a biological mother who could not take care of her and her siblings. She had people in facilities that treated her as just another "patient" and never attempted to know the real her.  I can't imagine how this affected her years of personal growth.  Can you imagine never having a mother to encourage you to be your best, or play dress up with, or just be there to brush your hair.  I'm sure this has kept her from feeling secure in her own skin.  Horrible. 

Now, as an eleven year old, she is angry.  She's mad that her mother chose a man over her. She's angry that we are taking her from the possibility of reuniting with that mother.  She is confused about feeling happy here and guilty for not missing her mother enough or her siblings.  At times, she is very mean, inconsolable, and super disrespectful.  It seems the only way she can get her frustrations out.  It is incredibly difficult to not be irate with her when she goes into these fits. 

I can hardly understand why she does these things, but I've not been in her shoes for the last 10 years.  I want her to control her fits. I want her to want to be in this family all the time.  I want her to be happy. But, what I've realized is that I she is her own person. She has a past, she is broken, and she is hurt.  I have to get over myself. I have to realize that this is not about me. 

When God called us to adopt, we knew that it wouldn't be easy.  We knew that it wouldn't be like having a biological child.  We knew all these things, but reality is you aren't prepared for what it's really like.  I have to count the good days and forget the bad.  More than anything, I have to be more compassionate to her.  I have to let go of what I think she should be like and let her learn to be her own person. 

 Does this mean she shouldn't be punished? Of course not.  But I'm still looking for the fine line between understanding and excusing behavior.  Hopefully, we'll find it soon!

It Ain't Pretty..

I think someone forgot to mention this side of adoption. Or maybe we didn't listen.

I'm not sure what alien has crawled into Maisie's brain, or what body snatcher took her away, but I wish they'd bring her back! This week has been H O R R I B L E. I mean like Calgon take me away, pop an extra Lexapro, eat a whole bag of Cheetos's, run away horrible.

She's been on a roll of defiance all week. She spent 4 hours doing 6 Math problems, while her saint of a father stood and helped her. He I'm not even exaggerating. He was so patient. She was so dramatic. She then snatched her bath towel off the wall along with the hook that was holding it. Then she used the word "freaking" about 10 times to describe how "mean, horrible, terrible, difficult, and evil" we are. Really..

After her drama on Monday, she was given her punishment Tuesday. No IPod touch, no phone, no outside until Monday. She didn't even flinch. She could have cared less.

Flash forward to today. She had 45 minutes to do her homework at school while she was waiting on me. She was told twice the night before and reminded during the day that she needed to get her homework started. Do you think she did it? Heavens no. When asked about why she didn't. Her answer "I wasn't listening when you said that." SERIOUSLY!

I thought for sure my head was going to roll right off my shoulders. She cried, threw her book bag in the floor, and had a fit. Seriously. I'm exhausted.

I'm really just at the end of all I know. I have no idea how to deal with her. I know a lot of my problem is me. I expect a lot. I expect respect. I expect her to do what I ask the first time. I expect no attitude. I expect too much.

So, for those who want to know how adopting an 11 year old is going, the best I can say is, we're making it. It ain't pretty. I mess up everyday. I'm doing my best. Let's just pray my best can get better. Soon.

Pictures from the "Gender Reveal" Party

This was my first "Gender Reveal" party to attend. I was so glad Leah invited us to come!

She made an adorable cake!

Sweet baby bump picture.

Big Brother Thomas! He is such a doll, and so full of energy!

Leah made us all choose a sticker to guess what we thought the baby was going to be.

I thought for sure it was a girl. I've been calling her baby "Leighann" for weeks now.

But, obviously, I was wrong! Can't wait to meet Henry Francis Ferretti!

Some of my favorite pics...

Photo Hobby

If you know me, you know how much I L O V E to take pictures.

I especially taking pictures of kids and families. I'm not so great with pictures of things. It has been K I L L I N G me to have all these great pictures of Maisie and not be able to share them with everyone! We were advised by one of our social workers that we didn't need to post any pics on any public websites until after the adoption is final. The good Lord only knows when it will all be final, but we're hoping that will be sometime soon!

Anyway, I've always wanted to take pictures as like a side hobby for people. Maybe like take pictures of Christmas cards, birthday parties, or just anything like that. Well, I'm getting my chance this weekend.

My sweet friend Leah is having a "gender announcement party" this and she's letting me take pics at the party for her! I'm super excited, but kind of nervous. I really don't want to screw this up! She's also gonna let me take some maternity pics of her. Fingers crossed those will be good too!

So, keep me in mind if you need any pictures for Christmas cards, you want someone to take pictures at a birthday party, or you just want some cute pics of your family! I'll post some of Leah and her party if she lets me!

Party,baptism, school, and homework!

Well, our summer fun is over, and school is in full swing!

As I type this, Maisie is working on her homework. She is not happy. Do I care, not hardly. I'm too busy sipping my sweet tea and eating Cheetos to even notice that she is pouting. She really makes it harder on herself. She takes her book bag to her room and only brings out a few things at a time. Instead of bringing out her binder with everything she needs in it, she goes back and forth and gets aggravated with herself. Maybe if she brought everything out at one time, she would be PREPARED for homework! Geez..

Other than homework, school is going great. She likes all three of her teachers. I don't see her much in the hallways (and I'm so thankful for that). I am working with kindergarten. They are so sweet and talkative! I love their little minds! They say the funniest things.

Maisie's birthday party was a huge success! I'd love to post pics, but she isn't adopted yet & we can't post anything of her until then (and b/c I'm in a bathing suit (gag) in most of them). Our families came and lots of her friends showed up too. I was so excited for her.

She was also baptized on Sunday. Robert baptized her, which made it really special for all of us. She did have a little meltdown in the parking lot afterwards (seriously), but all in all, it was a great day!

I wonder how she's feeling...

Eleven years ago tomorrow, a baby girl was born.

I wonder how her mother feels. I've heard a mother never forgets when her baby is born. She never forgets the months leading up to the birth of the precious one. She never forgets the pains, the work, and the joy that came at the birth of a beautiful baby girl.

Tonight I wonder if her mother is remembering. I wonder if she is reminiscing about her life eleven years ago. Is she missing her daughter? Is she concerned about where she is? Does she think about her every day or does she barely cross her mind?

I don't know the exact reasons why Maisie was taken from her mother. I don't know how a mother gets into a situation in which the only choice is to give up your children. What I do know for certain is this: she will always be Maisie's mother. She is the giver of life to my child. No matter what decisions she's made in the past or what she does in the future, she deserves love. She deserves to know that her past is forgiven.

So, tonight on the eve of my little girl's birthday, I pray for her mother. I pray that she has a peace that her beautiful daughter is taken care of. I pray that at some point in her life, she understands that her life can be made new in Jesus.

"For God so loved THE WORLD, that He gave his only Son, so that WHOEVER believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life." John 3;16

Eleven Already?

She'll be grown before we know it, out of the house before we're ready!

Maisie turns eleven this Thursday! I can hardly believe it! She had just turned 10 a few months before we first met her. It's hard to believe that has been 10 months ago. Ten months of knowing this girl is such a treasure.

Everyday we learn more and more about her. She has the cutest personality. She has a great sense of humor. Even on the days when I think she & I may not make it one more minute together, I still stop and think that she is such a blessing.

Her party is this weekend, and I think I am more excited than she is! I have all the decorations ready, the goody bags started, and the pinata almost stuffed! I'm looking forward to our families and friends gathering to share in this special day!

Six months

"Am I adopted yet?"

Maisie has asked us this several times. She knows we are in the process of adopting her and that in theory, the adoption process is supposed to only take six months. Today is our sixth month. Is our adoption final, nope.

Obviously, we are on other people's time line. We have to wait for one agency to work on paperwork and send it to another agency. We have to wait on the government to do their part (whatever that really requires). We are just in a waiting game. We'll just keep waiting.

I can give you some "time lines" and "milestones" we've had in the first six months.

- Maisie asked Jesus in her heart about a month ago. Precious moment really.

- When she gets upset, she asks for Robert. This is a GREAT development. When we first got her, she would go to her room when Robert came home from work and ignore him. It was miserable for the both of us. He started spending time with her one on one, and before we knew it, she looked forward to him coming home.

-She's learned to swim. I know this is kind of trivial, but it was very exciting for all of us! She could sort of swim, but she is a little fish now! I'm so proud of her!

- She wrecked our van! Haha! For real, one Wednesday night I let her drive around the parking lot at church (no big deal). Well, we got around to the side where Robert was waiting for us. I asked her if she wanted to practice parking. She said sure. Well, she got the gas and break confused, jumped the cement parking block, and got my van stuck. Hilarious. She was so scared, she jumped out of the car without putting it in park (it was stuck anyway) and took off running to the middle of the parking lot crying. I felt awful for her, but it was so funny.

- She has a TEMPER! I've learned that when she is annoyed, just leave her alone. I used to follow her to her room and demand an answer to why she was being so ill. I've realized that does NOTHING but make it worse! So, I just give her some space, and she usually comes out acting a lot better!

- We are learning to have fun just being a family. We went on our first vacation this past weekend. We got to meet her older sister Mya who is living with a foster family in Ocean Springs. She is a precious girl. They seemed to have a great time together. While we were on vacation, Maisie and Robert spent a lot of time in the water (well, when it wasn't raining). I love the bond the two of them are building. She just kept saying "Thank yall for taking me on vacation." So sweet.

So, in six months, through the struggles, we've become a family. I love this girl so much, and I'm so glad we are her people!

The Truth

The truth....

I often read blogs about other families who have adopted and think "Gosh, they have it all together. Things are easy for them and their kids just love them." I've been measuring our success as an adopted family by the seemingly success of other families in our situation.

We've had Maisie for almost 6 months, and I'd love to report that things are fantastic. That she gets up every morning and every day is like a dream. I'd love to tell you that we don't have fall out, meltdown, door slamming, fussing matches. I'd like to say that she does exactly what we tell her, when we tell her. I'd love to tell you that she doesn't still struggle with feeling abandoned, alone, confused, and all the other things that come along with being a child who has spent the last 6 years of her life in and out of 30 foster care/hospital facilities. I'd love to live to you, but really, what would be the point?

So, I'm going to give you the truth about adoption. It is hard. There are days when I really think we've made a mistake. We've done the wrong thing for us and for her. Days when I imagine that she probably hates waking up in our house to her new reality. Days when I am certain I could get in my car and drive off and never come back. Raising a child with a lifetime of hurt, anger, abuse, and trauma is the most difficult thing I've ever done.

There is also another truth to adoption. It is the most rewarding thing I'll ever do with my life. I am by no means perfect. Not even close. I mess up with Maisie on a daily basis. I say the wrong thing, ask too many questions, assume too much, and take too many things personally. But, on the days when she is honest with us. When she really opens up and I see the reality of her situation, I realize she has been hurt far more than I can ever understand. She has so much potential, and I know that she is so special, and I am so blessed to be a part of her life.

Nine years...

"How beautiful is the day that is touched by love.."

Tomorrow Robert and I will celebrate our 9th wedding anniversary. I can hardly believe nine years have come and gone and I am still married to this wonderful man. In nine years, we've moved twice. We've changed jobs, moved away from our families, struggled to get pregnant, lost a baby, worked in full time ministry, and adopted a beautiful daughter. I can't imagine living this life with anyone else.

If you know my husband, you know what a kind, humble man he really is. He will give you the shirt off his back (or the car he is driving). He is compassionate, patient, and totally in love with his Savior. I can honestly say the best thing about him is that he loves the Lord more than he loves me. How lucky am I?

We are not perfect, and never will be. But I know this for certain, he is my best friend. He is who knows me best, he is who loves me at my worst, and encourages me to be my best. I can't imagine a better husband for me, or a better father for our sweet Maisie.

Happy Anniversary, Babe. I love you..

Where Has the Time Gone?

Where does the time go? Does it ever slow down?

Last weekend, me and these three girls hosted a BBQ for some of our old classmates. It's been 10 years since we graduated! I can hardly believe the time has flown so quickly!

This is Luci. She is incredibly gorgeous, always has been. I don't think she has changed even a little bit since we graduated. She is hilarious and so sweet, always has been!

This is my sweet friend Elizabeth. We've been friends since Kindergarten. She and I have had our ups and downs. High school was rough on our friendship for a few years, but thankfully, we got past all that drama! I love her so much, and can't imagine us not being friends.

This is my sweet friend Emma. We've been super close since the tenth grade. She is hilarious. I love our friendship. We can talk for hours about nothing. We can go weeks with out speaking, and pick up right where we left off. I love it and I love her!

We had our party at the MS Petrified Forest. It was super hot, but so much fun! We were missing several of our classmates, and hope to have another gathering very soon so we can see them too! Someone said while we are hanging out "Do y'all realize that if we wait another 10 years to get together, we'll all be almost 40!" I almost choked on my food! I can assure you, it won't be another 10 years before we see each other again!

Mother's Day

"He gives childless couples a family, gives them joy as the parents of children. Hallelujah!"

Psalms 113:9 (The Message)

I have a wonderful mother. She is so smart, funny, and super talented. We have always been close, but in the past few months, we've become even closer. I love my mama. I also have two mother in laws that I love. My husband's mother, Donna, is always looking for ways to pray for us, encourage us, and just be a help to us. His step-mother, Ann, is also great. She is like Mother Superior. She never tires out and she can run circles around me. Maybe one day I'll catch up with her! So, on Mother's Day, I've always had great women to celebrate! I love them deeply.

Unfortunately, Mother's Day has always been a rough day for me. From the moment Robert & I got married, I dreamed of the day that I would be a mother. My prayer was for a red headed baby that had Robert's smile, my hair, and sweet chubby cheeks I could kiss. Each year, as the months rolled on and the pregnancy tests declared me not pregnant, I began to realize that dream of motherhood may not happen. Then, before I knew it, Mother's Day had arrived.

The scene of attending church and watching as the preacher asked each mother to stand and receive their gift of a flower or a devotional book "JUST FOR MOMS" absolutely devastated me. Year after year, I would spend the morning crying like a crazy person right in the middle of church. One year, after I had miscarried, a lady in our church said "Well, I'll just give you my flower." I almost slapped her. I know she was trying to be polite, but it wasn't about the flower. It

was about the empty womb that I carried. She couldn't fix that with a flower.

Finally, I just quit attending church on Mother's Day. I realized it was really not necessary to attend church on that day, I was sure Jesus understood.

Every Mother's Day night I would tell Robert, "Well, maybe next year I'll get to celebrate." Hallelujah, God has full filled his promise and tomorrow is my "next year" that I've prayed for all these years!

Words can't describe the joy it brings me to be Maisie's mama. She is more than I could have imagined in a child. She is incredibly smart, always on the go, very imaginative, kind and considerate, sassy, and unbelievable beautiful both inside and out. Many days I think "I can't do this. I can't be her mother. I'm not prepared for all this. I'm not smart enough to out smart her! I'm not patient enough to with stand her. What have I gotten myself into?!" Then there are days I look at her and think "Where would I be without her?" "I am so blessed she is in my life." "I can't imagine her not being ours!"

She is the most precious gift I've ever received. I can not ask for anything this Mother's Day, because God has full filled his promise and I am filled with joy.

Ramblings for the week

It has been too long since I've taken the time to blog!

I think it has been almost a month since I've taken the time to update our friends and families on our little lives here in Cleveland! I would like to say that I've been busy doing great and exciting things, but in truth, I've been busy with absolutely nothing interesting. I'm sure that happens to everybody at some point in time! So here are the latest updates from the Lawrence family!

* Robert took a job at a church in Indianola. If you're surprised, you can't be anymore surprised than I was. It really was a God thing. It had to be. Robert had previously spoken with the Mission Director for the Bolivar County area and told him that he would be happy to fill a pulpit or help with a youth ministry if there was a need. Within a few weeks of speaking with this gentleman, Robert got a call from a church in Indianola. They were looking for someone to be an Interim Youth Pastor. He interviewed with them on a Monday night and by that Thursday they called him and asked him to serve there at Eastwood Baptist. The church is small, but the people are precious. The youth group is large on paper, but only about four or five are regulars. The drive is about 20 minutes from our house. We are looking forward to seeing God work in this church and through these youth.

* We moved! In the almost nine years we've been married, Robert & I have moved four times. Four times is really enough. I'm tired. We moved to a neighborhood! Our house has three bedrooms and a larger backyard. We did have to give up having a big bedroom, but it was well worth it. Maisie plays outside from the minute she gets home from school until about 8 o'clock every night! Our neighbors are precious too. If Maisie isn't at their house within an hour of coming home, they are down here looking for her. As I type this, she is gone with them to a softball game. They adore her and she loves them!

*Our house is off the market! We didn't sell it, but we are leasing to own it. A sweet girl I used to work with at the school and her family are going to move into it. I am so excited for them and for us! It really is a win win situation for all of us!

So I guess there has been a lot going on, but I don't think any of it is real interesting. Just life happening!

Two Months Already?!?!

I swear time really does fly when you have kids!

I can not believe it has been TWO months today since Maisie moved in! Our house is busting at the seams with all things kid! Her clothes and toys stay in her room, but almost everyday our furniture is moved so she can have room to play!

She is so full of energy. I still try to sneak a nap in here and there, but for the most part, she keeps me busy. She and Robert have become great playmates. As I type this, they are having a contest to see who can hit the ping pong ball the most times in a row. Her record was 16. His-220. Really? Does he not know the "daddy" rule that the kid always wins? I'll have to clue him in later.

We have had a few "episodes", but nothing too serious. We have learned that she is very computer savvy. VERY. And we're working on learning to be more responsible so that maybe, just maybe, she can get a phone (yes, a real phone) for her birthday in August. We'll see.

All in all, the past two months have been good. We're all still adjusting to live together. It gets easier for a few days, then we hit a patch of rough days. But I really think every family is like that!

Keep praying for us as far as our house in Kosy goes. Still no buyers. We're making it, but gosh it would be nice to not have to worry with it anymore!

It's been a month

Actually, it's been almost 5 weeks since Maisie moved here!

To say things have been different would be a total understatement. We are all still getting adjusted to one another. She is learning how to talk to us, and trust us (i hope). We are learning how to divide our attention between each other and her. Robert & I have been just the two of us for while now. Almost 9 years! So, it's a time of adjustment for us too!

A week or so ago Maisie began talking more about her siblings. She is missing them, and I know she is realizing that by us adopting her, it is a finality to the sibling group not being together. I've been reading a book about parenting adopted children and it talks about how they will, at some point, mourn the loss of their birth families. We have definitely been dealing with that. For those who don't know, Maisie is from a group of four children. They were split up at least a few years ago. There are two children younger than Maisie and one older. The older one is not adopted, but the rest of them have been adopted. All are separated.

I realize that the best way for me to help her during this time of "grieving" is to just be there when she needs to talk and just listen to her. It's been hard watching her be down about her siblings. It's even harder when she is okay one minute and then sulky and sad the next. We're trying not to take it personally, but it's hard. We're learning. Everyday.

In an effort to help Maisie feel like she has something/somebody of her own, we got her a dog. Since we lost Romeo in January, we've talked about getting another dog. Maisie really wanted a Chihuahua, but they are SO expensive and honestly, I'm not into puppies. Thankfully, God provided for this need too! My parent's neighbor had 3 adult Chihuahuas his daughter was trying to re home. We got the only girl she had! Her name is Cinnamon and she is adorable. She's 2 and very shy, but she is so sweet. Maisie is already in love with her.

After a month, we're making it. We're learning how to talk to each other, how to listen to each other, and how to just give each other space when we need it. We're looking forward to growing more and more as a family!

Weekend Update

Our past met our present this weekend

We went home to Kosciusko this weekend for a visit to introduce our sweet girl to the rest of our friends and families. We started off at Dawn & Shane's for dinner and cards. I can't even begin to tell you how much we miss them. Dawn is my "person". She likes me even when my crazy spills out. Maisie, Madeline, and Jon Austin get along pretty well, so they played together while the grown ups played cards.

Saturday we had family pictures taken. Robert's Uncle Kevin took them for us. I honestly hate looking at myself in pictures. I would prefer to be the picture taker, but for the sake of preserving memories, we took family pictures. Maisie is so photogenic and gorgeous. She doesn't even have to TRY to be pretty, she just is!

Saturday night we went to Williamsville for the youth's "Womanless Beauty Pageant". My, oh, my it was too good! The boys.. I mean girls were beautiful, hairy arm pits and all! Maisie went to wrestling in McAdams with Madeline, Jon Austin, and Kevin. She seemed to have a good time!

Sunday was super busy for us. We went to church at FBC Kosciusko with Dawn at 8:30. Then we went to Williamsville at 10:45. It was so good to see our church family. Many of them prayed for us throughout our adoption process. Maisie was very overwhelmed. We sat with the youth which made my heart smile. I miss them so much and I'm so thankful for the time we had with them. I'm glad they got to meet Maisie and see God's sweet gift to us.

Our last stop was at Chad & Alysha Thompson's house. Robert & Chad have been friends for many years and are really more like family than anything. Bailey Katherine & Maisie hit it off quickly! It was good to see them and be able to spend time with them. We are planning on seeing BK's cheerleading squad perform at the end of the month.

All in all, it was a great weekend. We are, for the most part, done with traveling for a little while. At least I hope so!

Snow Days

It's a winter wonderland here in Cleveland.

School was let out at 1:30 yesterday, and Maisie & her new bff Madison played for a while outside while it was still falling hard! Maisie kept saying that she had NEVER seen snow like this before. The more I thought about it, I don't think I've seen snow like this in Mississippi before.

We were lucky enough to have school canceled today, so Maisie spent the night with Madison last night. Robert was out of town, so I had the entire house to myself. It was my first night to stay alone here in Cleveland. I'm not so good with being by myself, but it wasn't horrible.

We're going home to Kosciusko this weekend and taking Maisie to Williamsville to meet our sweet church family that prayed for us and for her as we began the adoption process. I'm a little nervous that she will be overwhelmed. I'm a little nervous that I'll be overwhelmed. We haven't been back for church there since we left in July. It's difficult to feel so distant from people who were in your DAILY life for nearly 4 years. God has brought us through it all, and I'm excited to just visit with them this weekend.

Better

Well, we got past the meltdown.

She was ready to talk Wednesday morning. She apologized for being sassy. She said she was just missing her siblings and her friends from the group home. I think that may be some of the problem, but I also think she was being a 10 year old girl, full of attitude.

The rest of the week was pretty uneventful. She does have a birthday party to go to tomorrow afternoon. I'm pretty excited for her. We are going to meet the parents of the little girl to just "check" everything out. I'm so thankful she's made friends and feels comfortable here. It really is an answer to a prayer!

My job is great. I spent the entire day with the Pre-K class on Thursday. Oh my, I was so tired when I got home! They are so much fun though. I didn't realize how much I missed being with kids until I started working with kids again.

I'll end my post with a quick prayer request. Please pray for our house to sell! We are in our second month of carrying two house notes. God has really provided for us. We are by no means in a crisis situation, but we would covet your prayers to get this place sold with a quickness!

Minor Meltdown

So, I'm guessing this is the first of many.

Maybe I'm just so new at this or maybe I'm just really sensitive. Tonight, we had to have a chat about attitudes. We went to some friends of ours for dinner tonight. Before we left, a certain little girl came into the living room wearing 2 jackets, long pants, a short sleeve shirt, and a pair of flip flops. Mind you, the wind was blowing 40 miles per hour and it was 30 degrees outside. So, I ask a certain little girl to put some socks and shoes on.

You would have thought I asked her to pay me a million dollars all in pennies!

We get to our friends house and a certain girl is sulking. She barely gets out of the car. She keeps her head down, hair all in her face. (THIS IS MY BIGGEST PET PEEVE!) Robert ask her if she is okay and she says "I'm just sleepy". LIE LIE LIE !

We get inside, and she is a new creature. Happy and smiling, until Robert or I speak to her and its like we are just idiots. I really could go on and on, but to sum it up, we got a t t i t u d e ALL night.

What do we do???!!?!?!?!

We get home, she B lines it to the bed like we are just going to let it go. Not happening princess! I tell her that first and foremost NO MATTER WHAT SHE DOES we aren't going to do three things: 1- We are not going to spank her and 2-We are not going to give her back and 3-We will never, ever stop loving her.

In my mind, that should solve it all. Silly me... She just looks down and continues to sulk. So, I tuck her in, kiss her face, hug her neck and put her in bed.

Pray for us. I'm sure this is one of many.

Mean girls...

How do you know if its bullying or just girls being girls?

Maisie attended an after school dance today. It was odd to both me & Robert that they would have a "dance" for 3rd-5th graders, but we decided we would let her go. He was a little uncomfortable with it, but me being the mother that doesn't want her baby to feel left out on the first week of school convinced him it would be okay.

*note to self-listen to your husband *

The dance was supposed to end at 5:30. Well, at 4:15 I get a phone call from a crying 10 year old begging me to come pick her up. I begin to ask why and this is the response I get, "ALL the other girls are being mean to me, and I'm ready to come home." How do you respond to this?

I can remember being 10. My best friend always wanted to play with my older sister and her friends. I on the other hand wanted to pretend we worked at McDonald's and play drive thru. I couldn't for the life of me figure out why she didn't want to do what I wanted to do. I remember feeling hurt and jealous that my sister seemed to ADORE this girl but hate me. You know how the big sister-little sister thing goes.

So, I'm trying to imagine how Maisie is feeling as I go get her from the dreaded dance. She gets in the car, explodes into a teary story of how "this girl" wanted to play with her, but she's too bossy and Maisie didn't want to play with her, so "this girl" decides to push Maisie (is it true, I don't know because I wasn't there and kids tend to over dramatize the story-especially girls) and so Maisie then decides to tell the teacher then cry and then call me. Did you get all that?

What do I do now? My first instinct is to track down "this girl" and push her too. I'm pretty sure that would end up very badly. So, my next thought is to write a note to the teacher and principal explaining how very disgusted I am with their lack of supervision. But then I remember working in both a school and with the youth at church. It's impossible to see, hear, and witness every single thing that happens. (And I happen to know some letter writers who make me want to vomit in my mouth because they expect one person to be able to supervise 30 kids by themselves and can't even imagine why that is so hard to do! But I'll save that story for another post.)

My best thought was that I would sit down with Maisie and just talk to her about it. Find out how she feels about it. Ask her why she thought the other girls did such a thing. Tell her that she did the right thing in calling me and explaining to her that sometimes other people just make bad choices. She seemed to understand and dried up the tears.

Let's hope we don't have a mean girls situation on our hands.

Update

I have to be quick. My job as taxi driver begins in a few minutes.

I started working yesterday. I was not prepared to begin so soon, but was asked by the principal if I would just go ahead and work half days with my two morning time children this week. Of course my head was screaming "NO! You need a few more days of freedom, of rest, of YOU time". But, before my mind could relay it to my mouth I was saying, "Of course! No problem at all!".

So, I was up bright and early yesterday to begin my new role of working mother. My kids are great. The girl is in the 5th grade and speaks wonderful English. She needs me mostly to help her with staying on task.

Her brother is in 4 year old Kindergarten. He is faster than I am. Smarter than I could ever imagine and somewhat stubborn! I love being in his classroom with him and all of the other kids. One of the little girls asked me when I came in yesterday "Who's mama you is?" It was so cute. They are so much fun and I really do enjoy being there.

Maisie has done incredible at school. She is making friends and learning so much. I met with her teachers today and they all just praised her and her manners. They said the other kids love her. I'm so glad she is doing so well at school.

She also loves church. She started AWANA on Sunday night. She loved all of it. I'm so thankful for the people at our church who have been so kind to us. It has really made the transition easy!

So, now I must go. My parents are coming to visit tonight. I have to get the taxi running and home so I can start my next job of cleaning lady & homework helper.. Oh the life of a mother... and I wouldn't change it for anything!

Answered Prayer!

So, I've been praying about getting a job for a while now. We are paying for two houses, which is a stress, but God has provided! I was really hoping to get a job where I had the same hours as Maisie, but things were just not looking good. But God knew.. He always knows!

While I was registering Maisie for school Thursday, the superintendent asked me if I was working anywhere. I told her no and shared my experience with working at Upper. She told me that several of the schools were looking for tutors. Of course, I was interested! I filled out an application and got a phone call this morning!

The job is from 8 til 2:30 (perfect right?!). I'll be working with two students from South Africa in the morning. They both speak English, but they need a little help in the classroom to make sure they know what's going on. In the afternoon I will be tutoring students in Math. I'm so excited!

The principal was very friendly as well as all of the staff at the school! The plan right now is for me to start February 1st (which happens to be my 28th birthday!) I'm so excited about all of this and thankful for God's perfect plan!

Maisie had another great day at school! I talked to her Math teacher this afternoon. She said Maisie is a very good student and wants to learn as much as she can! She also said Maisie referred to me & Robert as "my mama & daddy". Made my heart smile! She calls us Mr. Robert & Mrs. April right now. Which is totally fine with us. We know she will call us mama & daddy when she is ready!

All in all, it's been a great week! So thankful!

SCHOOL!!!

Maisie made it to school today! She has three teachers who seem to be fantastic. She was a little shy at first because she HATES having people stare at her, but she went on inside and got busy! I don't know Maisie's real behavior, because obviously we are still new in the game. I hope that she feels comfortable at school and here!

She hopped in the car with a huge smile on her face! I was so relieved. Our sunday school teacher's wife, Lisa Pinkerton, met me at the car with her. She, along with our entire class, have been incredibly sweet to us. I'm so thankful for them!

Tonight, she and Robert worked on division. He is so patient. I didn't think I could love him any more than I already do, but I swear I do.

School???

Well, today was supposed to be Maisie's 1st day of school. We were told a few weeks ago that when we got ready to enroll her, we would need to bring all of our paperwork to the Superintendent's office and she would approve everything and send us to Parks Elementary School where Maisie would be attending. We got up this morning and got ready, headed to the school district office, talked to the super nice receptionist, and were informed that the Superintendent was out of the office today, could we come back tomorrow? S E R I O U S L Y! ?

So, we'll try again tomorrow. Pray for Maisie as she starts school. It's been a while since she's been in a regular school. I can't imagine how she feels, but she seems to be okay. She's very friendly, so I hope she'll make friends easily.

"I will not leave you as orphans, I will come to you"

Our girl is an orphan no more.

I've been a Christian for many years now. And truthfully, I've taken the lazy road when it comes to my relationship with the Lord. I know what God desires from me. He desires a daily relationship. He desires my heart. He desires my trust, my plans, my will, my control. He wants all of those things. He wants me to trust him, he wants me to forsake everything else for him. He wants me to love, forgive, serve, and seek him with everything I have.

Honestly, I've done none of those things very well. I've discovered that I've had a hard time forgiving, because I can't forgive myself. I don't mind serving, but I can assure you, I'm not a joyful server. I don't seek him, because I'm such a control freak, that I just assume I can "fix it" myself. Can you relate to that stupid notion??

I spent a lot of time thinking last week. I knew life was changing quickly for us, and I needed to really spend sometime praying, but more than anything, I needed to spend some time listening. I've thought a lot about this verse a lot. I used to think of it in terms of just God's heart on adoption. But the more I think about Maisie, the more I realize how God is speaking directly to me in this verse.

I think about how much Maisie has seen. How many times she has changed homes. How many times she's started a new school, left a school, moved to a group home, left a group home, and now live in a permanent home. I can't imagine that she's had a life that has never included sleep overs, a best friend who spends the night, the same school for more than a year. More than those things she hasn't had parents who love her just because she is Maisie. She hasn't had people she could go to and just cry, laugh, play with, or live with. I can't imagine. She really has been an orphan. I know God is using us to keep her from being and earthly orphan.

But, aren't we all orphans? At one point in all of our lives, haven't we been separated from God? I know for myself, I have. I know that because of my choices to be selfish, stubborn, and just rebelious, I've kept myself from the blessings God desires for me. But reading that verse reminds me of his promise to come to me. How awesome is that?

So, as I tucked my girl into bed for the first time as my daughter, for forever, I realize she's not an orphan, and praise God, neither am I!

Almost Home

In six days I will be a mother. SIX DAYS! The day that we've prayed for, hoped for, and dreamed about is coming in less than a week! I can hardly believe it! Six months ago, all of this was a mere dream, a topic of conversation, a daily thought.

I imagine my growing sense of anticipation is equal to that of a mother waiting to meet the person who has caused her belly to swell for months on end. I imagine that anticipation is also met with the deep down fear of the unknown. The fear that life as you know it is about to change. The fear that somehow, you will mess this person up beyond repair. The fear that when they are old enough to think for themselves, they will think you are the most embarassing mother alive.

My concerns run in different directions with every thought. I am very excited for Maisie to join our family. I am so happy for her to have a family. I am so scared that we won't be able to provide for her the way I want to. I'm scared she won't make friends at school. I'm worried she'll have a hard time adjusting. I'm just a mess all over on the inside! My brain is constantly running about her.

So, I imagine that in the next 6 days, I'll fret. I'll fold her clothes and ready them for her to come home. I'll make her bed and arrange then rearrange her pillows and stuffed animals. I'll fret some more. Hopefully, the next 6 days will fly by. I'm thinking that's nearly impossible!

A few of my favorites

Some of my favorites of our sweet boy. This first one, is a classic. As much as he loved being inside, he loved DIGGING! You can tell by that dirty little face!

Christmas 2009. Couldn't ask for a sweeter picture!
The three of us Christmas 2009

This is a more recent picture. Sweet boy.

This is the last picture I took of Romeo & Robert. He loved for us to get in the floor with him and just rub his belly. Robert always made time for him.

When there was no baby...

When there was no baby, this was our baby. We had Romeo for almost 7 years. He was super playful, always loyal, and incredibly smart. He loved french fries more than any other food. His mouth would water and huge spit bubbles would puddle around the corner of his mouth at the mere mention of french fries. Last weekend, we took him back to Kosciusko with us to work on our old house. We didn't bring enough food for the weekend, so while I was getting me and Robert some dinner, I went ahead and ordered him a hamburger and french fries for himself. Spoiled. Rotten.

He's seen us through a move from Florence to Kosciusko, then from Kosciusko to Cleveland. He was there when we lost our baby, when we had all the youth at our house week in and week out, he was always so excited to see us as soon as we got home, even if we'd only been gone to the grocery store or out to eat dinner.

He would pace in front of the door if Robert worked late or if he was out of town. He really missed Robert when he was gone. He and Robert walked every day. You couldn't even say the word "walk" with him in the room, or you would suddenly be met with a 90lb dog in your lap ready to do just that!

The choice to have him put to sleep was horrendous. In the past months, he has battled arthritis in one of his legs. He could barely get on the couch, much less in the bed. Using the bathroom was even harder for him. Along with hurting, he became very aggressive. In general, he was always very playful and docile, but in the past 2 months, you could tell that he was just not himself. He still loved to go walking, but it took all he had to just do that. We were picking him up almost every night to put him in the bed. He slept most of the day. The hardest choice was to recognize that his quality of life was not good. If we let him continue to live the way he was, he would hurt more, be more aggressive, and less like the happy, sweet Romeo we knew.

We loved him very much. The thought of him not being here to snuggle with, to play with, to pet, and to just be with is sad. But those are all selfish reasons to continue to let him suffer. Our baby is now resting. He doesn't hurt, he doesn't limp. Our hearts our broken and will be for a while, but we are so thankful for the time we had him.